I love you
I always said I love you back then, do you remember?
But you never ever even give a damn on it. You always thought that everything was a joke. I was not joking, it was my confession. You just never took it seriously. Don’t you know how much I love your softly voice calling my name once a day. How much I love your behaviour as elegant as princess Diana, how much I love your reaction when I teased you. How much I love your oval-face with pale skin, two beautiful big eyes, your nose, lips, combine as one become the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.
We were classmate in Senior High School. We were not that close, but I admired you a lot from the first time we met, 1st year senior high school. Did not know it was fate or was not, we always had a same classes for 3 straight years. But, we never went into deeper relationship except just a friend. I was not even your best friend. I wanted to, but I could not. You would not ever know how nervous was I, when you touched me, called me, talked to me, poked me. We never had a long and deep conversation about something you liked or I liked. Because, we didn’t share a same interest.
You liked Avril, I liked Linkin Park. You liked romance-drama movie, I liked horror-thriller movie. I could force myself to like whatever you liked, but I didn’t want you to do the same thing. I couldn’t force you for my own sake. You were not my girlfriend. I was just your friend. I was just your high school friend, that is all.
It has been a year since we chose different path to catch up our dream. This is my second year at college to get degree in Law. I hope you are doing well on get degree in Chemistry. You were the smartest kid in class, you know. Always had a 1st rank and highest score among us. Knowing how perfect you are, I can’t hide myself anymore to liking you more and more. The more I loved you, the more I realized, I’m not qualified enough to have you. You don’t deserve to be with someone pathetic like me.
I’m scrolling down my homepage, She-the one I loved- posted her photo with her friends in college. She looked happy, I’m happy to see that. I move to another photo, she took a photo in amusement park, in front of roller coster. She wear a pink jacket which she used to wear it 1 year ago. A tall guy standing next to her, his arm was grabbed by her. They both look like love bird. They make a good couple. She’s pretty and He’s handsome. Can’t describe myself, can’t even think, I just envy.
But, as she’s happy with him, I’m also happy for her. No matter how long I’ve been struggle to get her, to make her mine, it won’t happen. It’s sad but it’s reality. Reality that can not be change easily. My love story is ultimate one side love.
“I love you, wanna go out with me?”
You chuckled then said “cut it off, stop joking around”. I simply answered it with smile and said, “I’m serious..” Then, we were laughing together.
“It was a joke”, I lied. Because, a girl can not date another girl, right?
(Author: RL ; June 2014)